The Art of Debating You Don’t Know Episode 77, LIFE LESSONS

 

Arguing is seldom considered destructive but we need to argue sometimes due to various reasons. But in many instances, we often fail to win. We can easily win an argument by knowing the art of arguing. Let us look into the same in this episode.

Hi friends and welcome to Life Lessons.

Arguing is a common phenomenon. A person who gets into argument seldom wants to win. But in many cases despite having zeal and fire to win, they fail. This further adds up to their anger. The same was the case with me a few years ago. There were many scenes where I had to argue but I couldn’t win. I was angry, and I also had a reason to get into the argument but I never won. This indeed added to my disgrace.

  I always wondered why this always happens to me. This really made me disappointed more than the fact that I had to argue. As days passed I began to avoid getting into arguments and tried to stay calm. I have done this to observe and understand the tricks and ways how people around me argued. This process passed on for 2 years.

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One day, there was a small dispute regarding the usage of shared space in the office. In this scenario, I had to get into the argument as I had no option to stay calm. So I proceeded to argue. After few minutes, I began to realize that I was winning and finally the opponent gave up and agreed with what I said. I was happy not because my decision was finalized but because for the reason that I won the argument for the first time in life.

After this instance, I realized that I actually got some experience in arguing. I perceived that I mastered at least fundamental arguing. In this due course, I also understood various tips and ways that actually helped me to win the argument. I would like to state them in the following lines.

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Is arguing healthy?

Before we could think of the ways to improve our arguing ability, we have an important question that needs to be answered. This is- is arguing healthy?  This question is actually hypothetical in nature as it depends completely upon the situation and the person whom we are dealing with. Although arguing is considered destructive, it can prove to be healthy when the person knows where and how to argue keeping the values safe in the process.

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The art of arguing

As discussed in the previous lines, there are some tips and ways that improve our ability to argue to large extent. All these account up to the Art of Arguing. Let us look into each and every tip in brief in the coming lines.

1.      Having valid point is as important as having a sound voice.

It is a known fact that having a sound voice is mandatory for winning an argument. But having proper reason and point is equally important. Since we have to stand on something to make the argument strong, the point that we are standing upon should be sound and valid enough. Having no valid point would gradually decrease the strength and effect of arguments.

2.      Always have a piece of proper information related to which you are arguing

Despite having a valid point on which I argued I often failed at the end of the day. It was because I was not aware of the background information. Despite the proper points, I went forward to argue, and to maintain the flow I had to state some lines that were not true (I didn't know that actual fact). When the opponent catches this, he (she) started attacking that particular point stating that I at least have no knowledge to argue for. This made me fall at once to the loss. Therefore it is important to check if we have valid points as well as proper information behind them to argue. If we don’t feel confident about the same, it is better to stay calm until we are ready with the requirements.

3.      Try to share emotions and opinions instead of judging even if you have to.

People hate when others point out their drawbacks directly. And this is a natural phenomenon. On the other hand, when we get into an argument, our sole motto is to win not to hurt the opponents. Therefore it is important to understand that sharing emotions and opinions play smoothly compared to direct judgments about the opponents. When we share emotions and opinions, it will not directly hurt the opponents, moreover, there are chances that they may tend to understand what we want to say through our arguments.

4.      Always remember to value others even the heat increases; at the end of the day, it is the last option that decreases the heat.

As stated in the previous lines judging others will not get the solution, which implicitly means that we have to maintain the value and respect of the opponent even if the heat increases in the argument. After the argument, this is what the opponent voluntarily or involuntarily observes us. When they realize that we are only focused on highlighting our point and not on hurting him (her), they tend to accept what we say. The added advantage is that valuing others in the time of arguments keeps the relationship healthy for a long time.

5.      Have an idea of the opponents’ habits and personality

Having an impression or idea of the opponent’s habits, personality, and other details definitely helps us to decide how to make them understand our point. Some people like to hear the point smoothly, while others need to be remanded. Many small and big traits differentiate people from each other. Finding and understanding this can make our work easier and increase the chances of winning the argument.

6.      Check for loopholes in the opponents which can be easily attacked.

As depicted in the previous lines, we should have enough information to avoid opponent attacks on that. We can use this tip to attack the opponents if required. Even though attacking is not the motto of argument, but situation sometimes turns against our favor,  in such cases finding some loopholes in the opponent can seldom help us in attacking that thus bringing down him (her).

7.      Support the opponent's point in your own dimension

Sometimes there arises a point from the opposite side that is valid for us too. In these situations, it is important to bring that point in our favor. For example: if I and a colleague are arguing regarding taking a car on sharing. He argues that both will be equally benefitted from this definition. This statement is true for both of us. In this case, I can say- yes it is equally useful, but I already have a bike, so it would be an additional burden to maintain a car which is presently not a need for me.

Important: Remember to be ethical in all aspects

No matter whatever may be the reason for the argument be, it is important to make sure that we are ethical at least on our side. An unethical argument is not a good sign for our personality in our surroundings.

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Bottom line:

The motto of the episode is not to state whether arguing is healthy or not. There are various opinions for that. But it to be noted that even though we stay calm, there may arise some instances where we have to get into arguments. In these scenarios the need for winning increases to many folds. The tips and tricks I tried to elucidate are sole to those people who seldom get into such scenarios and remain ethical throughout the argument sessions.

I’m not supportive of those people who seldom start arguments without a reason sometimes and unethical most of the time. In case you are one of these people, remember that being unethical on your side can turn into an attacking weapon against you.

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